Understanding Parental Alienation

Parental alienation refers to behaviours that intentionally or repeatedly damage or interfere with a child's relationship with their other parent without a legitimate reason. While it is commonly associated with separation and family court proceedings, alienating behaviours can also occur while parents are still living together.

In some families experiencing domestic and family violence, an abusive parent may begin undermining the child's relationship with the other parent long before separation occurs. This can become another form of coercive control, used to isolate the victim, weaken the parent-child bond, and increase the abusive parent's influence over the child.

Examples of alienating behaviours may include:

* Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child.

* Blaming the other parent for family problems or conflict.

* Encouraging the child to fear, distrust, or disrespect the other parent without a legitimate reason.

* Telling the child that the other parent does not love or want them.

* Interfering with communication or quality time between the child and the other parent.

* Asking the child to spy on or report back about the other parent.

* Sharing adult relationship or legal conflicts with the child.

* Rewarding rejection of the other parent or punishing expressions of love towards them.

* Attempting to erase the other parent from the child's identity or role within the family.

These behaviours can have a profound impact on a child's emotional development, identity, attachment, and sense of safety. Children may experience confusion, anxiety, divided loyalties, guilt, depression, and difficulties forming healthy relationships later in life.

It is equally important to distinguish alienating behaviours from situations where a child resists or refuses contact because of genuine abuse, neglect, coercive control, or fear. A child's reluctance to engage with a parent may be a protective response based on lived experiences rather than manipulation by the other parent.

Domestic and family violence can make these situations particularly complex. Some perpetrators may falsely accuse the protective parent of parental alienation to discredit allegations of abuse or gain greater control through legal proceedings. Conversely, some parents do engage in genuine alienating behaviours that harm the child's relationship with a safe parent. Both possibilities require careful, evidence-based assessment rather than assumptions.

At DVFS, we recognise that parental alienation and alienating behaviours can occur before, during, and after separation. We advocate for child-centred, trauma-informed, and evidence-based assessments that consider:

* The child's developmental stage and voice.

* The presence or absence of domestic and family violence.

* Patterns of coercive control.

* The history of each parent-child relationship.

* The reasons behind a child's resistance or rejection.

* The child's physical, emotional, and psychological safety.

The focus should never be on proving one parent's narrative over the other's. Instead, the priority should always be understanding the child's experiences, protecting them from harm, and supporting healthy relationships wherever it is safe and appropriate to do so.